i thought i was happy before, but now . . . after the landmark forum, i am  TRULY happy. my mom even said it. it's not just happy. it's a different kind of happy; like peace. yes. after tonight, i am now complete  with what i consider all of the most important people in my life.

and it feels more than just amazing. there is really no way for me to express the way i feel, because it's just absolutely remarkable. i'm so thankful for the landmark forum, and the man (i don't really know his name . . . something to do with e.h.s.?) who created it. it's such an incredible program that REALLY produces results, that advertising isn't even necessary. somehow bryon caught word of it, took it, got chau to take it, then chau got me to take it . . . and i am so-- AH. my coach richard, all of the people in the forum who shared their life with me and inspired me to be courageous and gave me even more clarity and was a huggge part of my transformation, and for all of the people who took the time (and it was a big chunk of it! i talk a looot) to listen to me . . . man, life is so imperfect that it's perfect.

within 6 days . . . i transformed my life into the life i want and love and can be powerful in. i had the first conversation i've ever had with my mom in 13 years, for the first time in my life she made me smile, i have peace and understanding with my sister, coach carrier, alex, amber, and everyone else in my life who i created a racket (a persistent complaint with a fixed way of being) on, and i had what i feel (and don't care that i feel) to be meaningful conversations that really brought a loooot of clarity to my life. the landmark forum-- it made me get life. and it's THE BEST feeling. i am SO HAPPY, it could be considered ridiculous. i want EVERYONE in the world  to take the landmark forum. TAKE IT! it's what i want.

and for all of the 14 people in my life who showed up to the last night of my landmark education--- you made me feel SO special. i will never forget that moment in my life-- ever. those who called me afterwards or even just simply asked me how my night went-- thank you. knowing that you cared enough to ask makes me feel even more special. and even if you didn't come, totally fine. it happens.

i love YOU, the world, and life! and that's the staight up truth.

definite summer of a lifetime.

everything is working out! i'm at an extreme high right now.

yoga is AWESOME . . . it is so much more of a work out than i ever imagined.
katryna and i ran the entire golf course non-stop! talk about intense.
lots of creative hours and community service hours ready and upcoming . . . it's definitely not that hard to get 150 hours as i thought.
i got into wall street 101!! only 45 people nationwide were accepted!
i get THE health binder all to myself-- this means i don't have to actually read the online math stuff and can get it done super fast
totally jumpstarting this lacrosse clinic . . . RYLA really helped in networking
i have the best friends and family, ever ever ever
for the most part, all my AP/IB tests are over, and i think i did really well because i studied so much/hard
summer is so near!! can't wait until girls state
prom is coming up!

everything is just wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

things to look forward to:
morp!
road trip to san francisco, berkeley
girls state!
wall street 101, *crossing fingers
bahamas
sleep.
hopefully a good  job.
lacrosse summer league? maybe i should try out for the lady lax dawgz . . .

must get through:
catching up
raising grades and being hardcore
STUDYING for AP tests
                        IB tests
                        SAT IIs
                        SAT
                        ACT

and then i'm out!

p.s. the other bobby (melchor) is pretty great too. i'm considering naming my son bobby, or robert, or whatever.

no se.

i've lost it -- it as in my intensity, motivation, dedication, vigor, UMPH for school -- and i don't know how to get it back. and i really need/want it.